You know, it just wouldn't be a blog if I didn't just generally write something in it every now and again other than the usual fun topics I'm going for. Since this is technically also a journal of trials and tribulations as a person trying and learning his way into the field of audio, I feel that this is relevant. There are times I have doubts, there are times I feel like my audio will get nowhere and there's a chance it will not improve with no real direction or hope.
Sometimes I wondered if I wasted several years of my life trying to learn, get motivated and be inspired by audio and if there is even a place for me. The strive for inner peace begins.
Being a lover of philosophy, I tend to look for stories and quotes to come in terms with the feelings I'm trying to overcome.
I think I found a good one:
"My grandfather was a painter ... was looking at me and he said "Harry, there are two kinds of tired, there's good-tired, and there's bad-tired. Ironically enough, bad-tired can be a day that you won. But you won other people's battles, you lived other people's days, other peoples agendas, other people's dreams - and when it was all over there was very little "you" in there, and when you hit the hay at night, somehow you toss and turn, you don't settle easy. Good-tired, ironically enough, can be a day that you lost. But you don't have to tell yourself, because you knew you fought your battles, you chased your dreams, you lived your days, and when you hit the hay at night, you settle easy - you sleep the sleep of the just, and you can say "take me away". Now, Harry, all my life I've painted... God I would've loved to be more successful, but I have painted and I have painted, and I am good-tired, and they can take me away."
--from Harry Chapin's Gold Medal collection
Basically, as long I am here, as long as I am doing something I love, be it playing the games I love to play, learning about the sounds I love to hear, tinkering with the instruments and tools designed by people who love their work, and as long as it is entertaining to create the audio, be it horrible nonsensical gibberish or not, it is still worth pursuing. Even as I type this I know that I have been losing sleep coming in terms with this truth, and I will continue to polish my resolve until my actions finally reflect this along with new found discipline and perseverance in this field.
As a Street Fighter III Alpha Narrator once said:
I won't give it up, narrator guy.